'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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