Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm always down for nudity.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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