Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
