Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
