we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
