I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
