Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
