Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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