it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
