Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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