my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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