I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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