woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
