I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
