So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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