They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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