Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize