He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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