would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
