So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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