The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
