i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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