why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
