I think my vagina is haunted
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
