It's Friday. Sex?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
