I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
