I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
