so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize