All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
