Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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