just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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