her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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