Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
