you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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