at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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