Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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