one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
