This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this just has baby written all over it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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