My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
