My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize