you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
