3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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