i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize