Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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