I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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