Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
