Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
