there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
