the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
