Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
