Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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