please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
