even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
