"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
