do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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