i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
