bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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