Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
