i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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