please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize