my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
