I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
