im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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