I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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