i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
