Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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