So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
