Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
